Santa with Muscles

1996

Comedy

8
Rotten Tomatoes Critics - Rotten 23% · 3 reviews
Rotten Tomatoes Audience - Spilled 23% · 2.5K ratings
IMDb Rating 2.6/10 10 9684 9.7K

Plot summary

Penurious but muscle-bound Blake Thorne has made a vast fortune marketing health food and health supplements. He once was a nice fellow, but as his wealth increases, he becomes increasingly self-centered and decadent. One day, he gets in a great paint-gun fight that goes too far. Blake escapes the cops by running into a shopping mall, quickly donning a Santa Suit and pretending to be St. Nick. A head injury causes Blake to suffer amnesia, and an opportunistic "elf" decides to convince Blake that he is indeed Santa. This leads "Santa" to help save an orphanage, filled with adorable moppets, from the machinations of a greedy, insane doctor.


Uploaded by: FREEMAN
December 15, 2020 at 12:18 AM

Director

Top cast

Mila Kunis as Sarah
Clint Howard as Hinkley
Brenda Song as Susan
Ed Begley Jr. as Ebner Frost
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
897.4 MB
1280*682
English 2.0
NR
Subtitles us  
23.976 fps
1 hr 37 min
Seeds ...
1.63 GB
1920*1024
English 2.0
NR
Subtitles us  
23.976 fps
1 hr 37 min
Seeds 5

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by sirpetertheknight 3 / 10

The Christmas movie low.

The problem with Hulk Hogan as an actor is that, while he's not Brando, he has his moments where he's okay. That said, all he seems to lend his name to is rubbish children's movies. The only serious thing he seems to have done is Rocky III (you be the judge of how serious that is). This is the ultimate example of that children's movie crap. Hogan is a wealthy man who loses his memory and somehow thinks he is Santa. He is taken in by an orphanage, who are trying to stop some villain doing something. Seriously, that's how forgettable this film is. The acting is poor. Hulk manages to lay some cool smackdown, but then again, so does Jean Claude. The children are all that breed of little goof ball's trying to be cute. Ed Begley Jr is just unnecessary. Many people have a real hatred towards Christmas movies. Of course, they can't all be Bad Santa, the Santa Clause, The Nightmare Before Christmas or the all time great, It's A Wonderful Life. But this is just lazy. Considering Hogan's potential for cool, violent films, this just wastes the most awesome wrestler ever. Just like everything else. I can't give it a one, but it's certainly not worth a passing grade. It's just dosh.

Reviewed by ironhorse_iv 3 / 10

Watching this movie felt like receiving a giant leg drop. It was somewhat painful to watch.

Made way before other pro-wrestlers, like Mick Foley, Bill Goldberg, the Miz and Big Show ever put on the red and white suit; Hulk Hogan was the first wrestler to capitalize on the idea of making a Christmas movie. Written by Jonathan Bond, Fred Mata & Dorrie Krum Raymond, the film tells the story of a self-centered millionaire turn Santa Claus, Blake Thorn (Hulk Hogan) having to save an orphanage from an evil scientist, Ebner Frost (Ed Begley, Jr.), who wants to destroy it, in order to gain access to the magical crystals underneath it. Without spoiling the movie too much, the original story wasn't really originally made for Hogan to start. Instead, it was create for infamous con-artist stockbroker, Jordan Belford subject of 2013's film 'The Wolf of Wall Street' who became one of the film's executive producer. However, once Hogan got on board, much of the original story was scrap, in order to appeal to Hulk Hogan's ego. Because of that, we get a lot of pointless moments, in which the audience is treated with unrealistic scenes in which, Hogan shows off his strength. While, Hogan still looks impression in some of the action scenes; it really clear that the 24-Inch Pythons weren't as big as they used to. All those years, taking bumps and steroids has really took its toll on the man's health and body. He looks so different, when compare to what he look during his 1980s 'Hulkamania' days. Still, he was not as eerie as today's Hulk Hogan. Yet, I have to say, Hulk Hogan wasn't as bad, in the action role, as he could had. Most of the action scenes fell flat, because how fake the visual effects explosions look, how ludicrous the car chases were shot, or how badly stage, the fight scenes were. If anything, he really try to make the film, seem entertaining, even if his singing with child actress, Aria Noelle Curzon seem kinda bad. Also, while Hogan might not be the best comedian in the world, more or less, some of his facial expressions and physical slapstick throughout the film, did make me, laugh. Because of this, I don't think, this movie deserve to be in the currently list on IMDb's bottom 100 movies ever. Not all the jokes fell flat. It's just has enough 'so bad, it's kinda good' vibe, to make me, not hate the movie as much as others. Yet, there were a lot of things that did anger me, about this film. For starters, I didn't like the use of the old film 'Identify Amnesia' clichés. It's really hard to believe that Blake couldn't remember, anything about his previous life at all. Also, the amnesia angle kinda lessen the impact of his morality character arch, as well. Even the second smacking of his head felt a bit forced. Another thing, that bother me, was the idea that "the richest man in ten states", goes unrecognized by virtually everyone for so long into the film. Even the police doesn't know, who Blake is. If they did, they would had arrest him, along with the other criminals toward the end, for reckless driving, shooting at an officer, and the endangerment of the life of others. Instead, nearly everybody believes he is the real Santa Claus, despite acting and looking nothing like the fictional holiday character. It really made the supporting characters in the film, look really stupid. Despite that, I did like, seeing familiar supporting actors like Don Stark, Garrett Morris, and Ed Begley Jr. in the roles, they were given. Even, Mila Kunis in her film debut was not that bad to watch. However, I couldn't get, behind how unrealistic, the henchmen villains, were. It was very weird to see over-the-top cartoony people harassing an orphanage of three children with T-squares and Styrofoam candy canes. It's also odd that the orphanage never bother, calling the cops before Blake came to the rescue. Added to that bizarreness was the scene where the scoundrels use phone-calls recording to trick Blake. How did they know to do that, anyways!? The movie has way, too many hackney plot-holes that is hard to ignore. It really doesn't make any sense. All these loose-ends and over the top dramatic, made the film felt more like a cheesy 'superhero' movie than anything else. As for the quality of the film footage. It really does look like it aged badly. Even with the most modern DVD, the footage still looks washed out with a lot of aliasing and shimmering. It had such shoddy detail. The old VHS tape are even worst with its tracking issues. Overall: While, it might be good to say your prayers, and eat your vitamins. I can't say, the same about watching this movie. While, die-hard Hulkamaniacs might like this movie. For me, it was just mediocre. Not the worst movie, I saw. Nor the best.

Reviewed by emm 2 / 10

Definitely no stocking stuffer for your happy holiday!

One word: FORGETTABLE! That's it! Its best use is a substitute for a lump of coal in your stocking! Angry Johnny would thank Santa for it, and because he's been a naughty boy all his life! Don't let this be next year's X-mas present under your tree!!!

Read more IMDb reviews

2 Comments

Be the first to leave a comment